STRESS

I started this blog for stress relief..ha! It's pretty bad when I can't even bring myself to post.
Here it is 5 days away from Christmas and I have no holiday spirit. I could care less. It is just going to be another day in my life. I haven't put up a tree in three years!

I go to bed at night with my shoulders weighted down and I wake up the same way in the morning...if I have the chance to even sleep. I carry it around with me all day long and it just never goes away.

I WISH MY DAUGHTER WOULD GET HER ACT TOGETHER!!! SHE IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!

I could resort to drinking myself to death. It wouldn't be hard. Boozehounds run in the family on both sides. I just can't handle the hangovers anymore. It takes me a couple of days to recover from a binge so I gave that up several years ago.

I tried reading. I would go to the library and check out 5 books a week. For a while there I was reading every mystery novel ever written. I could become absorbed in a good blood and guts book and forget all the real life drama. Here lately I can't even pick up a book much less read one.

I haven't walked the dogs in a while...too dammed cold! Although they still give me unconditional love and comfort.

Work helps. There is something very humble about hearing the bugle boy play taps as the flag is folded when the men and women who have fought so hard for our country are laid to rest. Working at a veterans cemetery is very enlightening. Never thought I would like the funeral business so much.

And then there is cooking. When I get real stressed I go into the kitchen and cook my ass off. Of course my husband loves it. I just made my third pan if gingerbread in a week.

There is one positive note: I do not eat as much! I have lost at least 10 pounds in the last couple of months. My clothes are fitting nicely. So even though I feel like shit, I look better than I have in a while.

It's been almost a month since my last post. Between my new career and all the drama with my daughter it's been hard finding the time to sit down and write about the thing that stresses me out the most.
My daughter's life, as always is filled with nothing but DRAMA. It's because of the people she call's friends who she has chosen to put her trust in that her life has been turned topsy turvy. She has such a good heart and she is very loyal to the people she cares about, its just they don't care for her the same way and they sure are not loyal!
Anyway she has moved into a big house on a beautiful lake and she is waiting for one of the roommates to move in. He has been nothing but trouble and in the meantime she told Dipshit (or little shit or whatever I call him these days) to take a hike. He takes her out of town for her birthday and they have a real nice time only for him to give her that old line the day after of "can't we start over and just be friends." She tells him, "I'm sorry, but I can't be just friends so we can either start over and you can date me or we will just decide to date other people." I don't think he liked her answer, so what does he do? Has a freaking fit. So now she has not seen him in 3 weeks. He actually text-ed her yesterday and asked her if she had saved him a turkey leg. She did not respond. Then tonite he text-ed her again and asked her what she was doing. Of course she has no plans, but she told him she was going out with her girlfriends.
For once I would like to be wrong about someone. Just once. I had him pegged from the beginning as a Player, even though I kept hoping to be wrong.
My daughter was starting to have feelings for this guy, thank goodness she did not have a lot of time invested in him, but she is miserable just the same. Not a good time to be miserable here so close to the holidays.
I am still considering that add on Craigs List: Son-in-law wanted. Responsible, Respectful of women, Non-cheater, with no crazy psycho ex-girlfriends.

Is There Really A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I think my daughter is starting to see the light. (I'm being hopeful)
As I write this she is telling Dipshit that he can't live in her house, they cannot be friends and she is moving on. It will be interesting to see how Dipshit reacts to this announcement. He will either "sweet talk" his way back in the door, or he will bow out gracefully and admit what an ass he has been, or he will bow out and not believe a word she says and the games will just continue on.
I have been considering running an add on Craig's List:
Son-in-law wanted.
Decent man that respects women
Responsible
NOT AN ASS
Keeps his word
Has to be somewhat good looking

Wonder if I would get any responses?

Be Careful What You Wish For

I have come to the conclusion that all young men today are pigs...unless proven otherwise. Oh I know there have to be some good guys out there somewhere, but they must be in hiding. I have also come to the conclusion that most likely my daughter will never get married and I am destined to have a pug for a grandchild. Not that I do not love the pug that I have custody of now. Mia is a very sweet little dog. Still a human grandchild would be preferable.
There is just something about young people today that I just don't get!!! The saddest thing of all is I can remember my mother and grandmother saying the same dammed thing about my generation. Still and all, it's just a different world today. Young men and women tend to be very self-absorbed and obsessed with one thing or another. I look at my daughter and wonder where in the hell did we go wrong! We never spoiled her with material things, she went to work at 15 and I picked her up everyday after school and took her to a job where she did hard heavy labor. A little 96 pound girl working at a nursery lifting 50-70 pound pots of plants. She worked hard and kept that job all throughout high school and even worked there her first summer back home from college. She struggled financially that first year in college and worked on campus and even in the evenings working tables at a local diner in the town of Bowling Green, KY. She worked all the way through up until her senior year when things became tougher and she really had no spare time to work. Kristen does not mind hard work and she has always appreciated what she has worked so hard to earn.
Her biggest problem in life is her
poor choices in men. I thought after five years of DICKWEED that she would know what to do when the red flags went up. It's like ignoring the warning flags on the beach when there is a storm and bad undertows. Do you still jump in and ride the waves that are going to take you under? My daughter does! When will she ever learn?
Well, at least she is moving on. Isn't that what I have wanted her to do since DICKWEED? What is that old saying, "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR." And the other half of that is what you wish for may come back and bite you on the ass!

Busy

I think it has been several weeks since I posted. Not like me to let so much time go by, but here I am at the age of 53 starting a new career, so I have been a bit busy. I have also been trying to rent out my daughter's house...very time consuming.
This is her moving weekend. I guess her dad and I will find ourselves in the mix of helping with all the packing...NO Lifting! She should have plenty of help for that!
Anyway, I am considering not giving the Pug back..ha ha! I hear that the new boyfriend is adverse to letting Mia (pug) sleep in the bed. Mia sleeps with us every night right up next to my tummy, and before that she always slept with Kristen. So...that just isn't right! If nothing else, I will be sharing custody of her! I refuse to let that poor little dog, my granddoggie sleep in a cage!!!

Stress and Worry

I hate it when my daughter does something really stupid based on her emotions at the time. It usually proves to be poor judgement acting out of concern for someone she cares about. Usually a idiot guy!
For the last 3 days I have been nauseous, can't hardly eat, can't sleep and irritable with my husband, all because of the stupid actions of my child. I just started my new job Monday, so thankfully while at work I have been able to concentrate on my new duties, but once I leave and get in the car all I can do is worry.
Today has been somewhat better, but I do a lot of praying these days. It just never ends.
A wonderful friend of mine sent me a novena the other day by email...Here it is:

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen..GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU, It shall be well with you this coming year.No matter how much your enemies try this year, they will not succeed.You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year.For the remainder of 2008 and all of 2009, all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows and pain because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me.. My child!What can I do for you? And I said,'Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message...

It came at the right time. I really believe when things in your life start to go right the devil usually comes in and tries to ride on your shoulder. I am not going to let him to that to me!

HELP

I have been online for hours posting an add for my daughter's house that is up for rent.
Check the link at the bottom of the page. The person who was suppose to rent it out backed out and so now if she does not find someone by the end of the month she will be screwed!
If anybody out there knows of some real good online sites to advertise the house let me know.
HELP!

Little Shit

So I talked to Little Shit today. We have this game now where we text each other hateful funny messages. For instance when he found out I got a new job and it was at a cemetery he asked if was so I could bury him there. I text back, "Oh no I don't have to bury you, I will just cut you up into little pieces and feed you to the birds.
In reply he said, " This is an awful volatile way to treat someone that holds the key to your daughter's heart."

This afternoon Little Shit took a 3 hour trip with my daughter (in my car) to pick up and purchase her new Lexus. He fell asleep in the back and and after he woke up I told my daughter to put him on the phone. I heard them bickering back and forth, but he finally took the phone. First I asked him did he have his head out of his ass yet. He told me he had a little too much to drink last night and he wished he had saved the drinking for the trip as my daughter's race car driving was scaring him to death and making him sick. (HA HA) That's nothing compared to her driving 90 miles per hour through the mountains of West Virginia and you see your life flash before your eyes. Anyway, I told him for someone who holds the key to her heart he doesn't know how to turn the lock yet. He replied that he is off her shit list now and has been transferred to her naughty list. I told him he is still at the top of my shit list. So it goes...
I threaten different ways to kill him and he threatens to send me their twins to raise. (HA) I told him today in a text of course, I take your twins, raise them and teach them how to throw a knife with a pic of you as their target.

So it seems Little Shit and I have established some kind of bizarre relationship.

What A Week!

So every week I have I have been checking the job boards and sending out my resume. I have been doing this for at least six weeks. Well it finally paid off. I landed another state position and all my benefits will transfer over. I will not loose my retirement (not so sure about AIG-Valic). My position is the Administrative assistant to the Director at the Veterans Cemetery here in my home town. Will I miss where I have been for the last 15 1/2 years...NO.

The other news is my daughter rented out her house, and found another place to live...not across the water as she first planned. She is moving in with Little Shit and his brother and taking my Granddog with her. I told her I get the dog at least once a week. I have also been driving her piece of crap car for almost three weeks. Tomorrow she takes check in hand and will be driving home her Lexius. (LA DE DA!) MUST BE NICE!!!

It will be real interesting to watch how things go over the next year. I hope I do not have to kick his ass!!!

Decisions

My daughter admitted to me the other day how overwhelmed she felt with all the decisions she has to make. Our life choices and who we put our trust in can sometimes take us down a rocky path. I just keeping hoping and praying she makes better choices this time around than she has in the past.

I am still driving her piece-of-shit car to work and back. She has been approved for a certain amount (that she would not specify to me) so it is only a matter of time before I have my wheels back and she is driving something new.Now as far as Little Shit goes, well they are really moving in together...with his brother. (I still think she is dating the wrong brother).

I had a very long chat with my daughter's best friend who is friends with Little Shit. I asked her to pass on this bit of information..."As long as he is sleeping in her bed he will treat her with the utmost respect. He will not abuse her mentally, emotionally or physically. He will not cheat on her. If I find out he is treating her poorly or taking advantage of her, I will come down on him like the wrath of God!. Remember to tell him that I know people who know people. I don't have to cut off his balls or kill him, but I can make his life miserable." She told me she would pass this bit of information on.

In other news, I have a job interview on Wednesday morning. It would be great if I got this position because all I would have to do is transfer my retirement. If I don't get it I will know it was not meant to be and I will keep looking.

Worry, Worry, Worry

I am one of those people who doesn't have to worry about not having anything to worry about. This week for example I was able to pick and choose my worries from a list that is getting longer everyday. For example:
My mom (is she going to die on me any day?)
My dad who is feeble and can hardly get around
My mentally ill brother with his delusions and voices whispering to him constantly
My job with all of the new policy changes and restrictions
My daughter and her unstable life
My granddoggie who may have cancer again
My husband who puts up with me and his ungrateful daughter
My daughter's old piece of crap car gave out...the engine is barely running
I traded cars with my daughter until she can get a new one and I am driving the piece of crap
THE LIST GOES ON

So now my daughter is going to not only move to Norfolk....but Little Shit is moving in with her! Not only is Little Shit (Yeah this is my new name for him) moving in with her, but his twin brother and another girl are moving in too. The more the merrier I guess! Well at least with all of them sharing the rent it should be less expensive and I guess that is what counts right now. It should be interesting to see what living with Little Shit everyday will be like. According to my sources he is a bit intimated by my daughter. He usually dates younger women...women who are not really women...yet ...19 or 20 you just have not lived long enough to have any gumption. My daughter makes demands..ha ha. He is not use to that because he is the one use to making the demands. His insecurities are showing!

Well, let me see what I can add to the worry list this week.

Mom

When I look back into my childhood the first memories I have of my mom was when I was around seven and a half or eight years old. Up to that point it is my grandmother I always remember. My grandmother had come to live with us before my brother was born in 1950. My parents were married many years before my brother came along, and I was born 4 years after him. My mom had always worked, even as an adolescence during The Great Depression she sold eggs from the farm and later during World War II when she was assigned to one of the first POW Camps here in the US for German Officers in Baltimore, MD. She was never the domestic type and so when she finally got pregnant after 13 years of marriage Grandma came to take care of us and my mom kept working. Growing up it was my Grandma who wiped my tears, and put bandages on my boo-boos. I can remember sitting in her lap as she sang me lullaby es and rocked me to sleep. She had a beautiful voice and I would love to hear her sing especially in church. I would stand next to her and hold the hymn book as she sang those old classic hymns such as "In the Garden", The Old Rugged Cross", and "The Church in the Wildwood". I did not really learn to appreciate my grandma until I was a grown woman and she was in her eighties. She passed away in the spring of 79.

I love my mom, but until I met my husband the year I was 17, I really did not have what you would call a close relationship with her. During that time, I started talking to her about life issues and when I married we bonded more. Presently my mom is 88 years old. She has outlived her three brothers, and her two best friends. In her old age she has always been spry if not as energetic as she once was and she does not have one senile bone in her body and her mind is very clear. She can argue politics and keeps us with current events and 8 years ago when the Supreme Court put Bush in the white house she went out in the back yard and burned the American Flag! (Oh yeah...she once was a political activist).

My mom also takes care of my mentally ill brother and my 91 year old father. She became domesticated once she retired almost 28 years ago. I was pregnant at the time with my daughter and she wanted to make sure she had plenty of time to spend with her only grandchild.

There have been times in the past twenty years when she was sick with one thing or the other, not anything serious. She has fought the flu during each winter, and even though she has high blood pressure and high cholesterol she did not get heart disease until her late 60's. She has lived a long time with being able to control both of those issues and I have always felt my mom was invincible...until now.

She had a mild stroke a few days ago. She is doing okay, is actually up and walking around the house. Her vision is somewhat whacky and she is very weak, but she is still here. The doctors have put her through several test trying to find where that blood clot came from, and even once or if they find it at her age what can they really do?

I hope I live well into my 80's or more and have the quality of life that her and my father have had. I also pray that by then I will see a grandchild of my own and not be so senile that I can't hold a decent conversation with my only child. Well, we never know what tomorrow will bring.

Neglectful

Thank God my daughter has no children! She is so busy...out every night doing whatever...that I took her dog!!!
Yes...I took the dog and told her she was being a neglectful mother and I was not going to stand by and see my grand dog suffer! So, I have had the dog for a week. I know she feels bad, but she must not feel bad enough to get her priorities straight. She has a 50 gallon fish tank, the fish are most likely dead by now.

I really do not know what has happened to my once responsible daughter. I guess she is just going through something and I have to wait until she comes to the end of it. Of course by then, I will be stressed to the max as usual. I am considering taking out another life insurance policy and making my will. HELP ME PLEASE!

Obession

I want all my readers to know that The Ball Incident took place several years ago. In the winter of 2001 actually. When my daughter graduated and came home from college she met The DICKWEED, so don't cheer me on too much because I stood by off and on for five years and did nothing about that situation.

This was a guy who on the first impression was, "Oh wow, clean cut, handsome, manners, ...ut oh...police officer!" That was the red flag! He was one arrogant SOB when you really got to know him. He was also a control freak and although he never laid a hand on my daughter he mentally and emotionally abused her. They moved in together after dating for about 6 months. Things started getting very ugly. She ended up with no friends, and he monitored her every move. After a year her dad and I rented a U-Haul truck and called her and said, "We are coming over now to load up your stuff. Start packing," and that is what we did. DICKWEED was there when we arrived and on the way over my daughter called me back and said, "Just don't start anything with him. The more you say the worse it will be." So I bit my tongue (till it just about bled) and did not say a word. We brought her back home with us and watched how he continued to control her from afar. She actually got counseling, but because she was in denial, it did no good. The day after she moved out, another girl moved in. See DICKWEED always had some poor unsuspecting naive girl out there hanging on a string.

She kept seeing him off and on for five years. OBSESSION!!!
Finally all hell broke loose when he was seriously involved with my daughter and living with another. They found out about each other. This time my daughter crashed and burned. You see he was so good at pretending...a real sociopath. So you may ask why didn't her father and I kick his ass or ruin his life?
#1- he had more weapons than we did (remember he is a police officer) and I was always afraid he would turn his anger on my daughter by using one of his many guns
#2 - My daughter and I fought constantly about DICKWEED and I had to just leave it alone if I wanted any kind of relationship with her
#3 - I just kept praying that she would see the light... sooner than later!

What I really do not understand is why do I see other young women meet decent men, marry and have a nice life. What is it about my daughter that makes her pick the idiot every time?
I asked her the other day, "How's it going with Dickweed Jr?" (the stupid guy with the crazy ex-girlfriend) and she tells me, "Well I know it's not gonna go anywhere." THEN MEET SOMEBODY ELSE DAMMIT!!! Why does she waste her time with dumb asses?

The BALL Incident

So my daughter was in this shitty relationship (off and on...for five years, you know...The DICKEWEED KING). She finally gets over him and now she has gone from one extreme to the other. She parties every weekend, is dead tired on Monday, is still attracted to arrogant jerks or just plain dumb asses, and is so unsettled she does not know what to do with herself. It is a never ending drama fest!



I promised I would write about the BALL incident.

When my daughter came home from school in the summer before her senior year she starting working as a cocktail waitress at a popular club in downtown Norfolk. The money was great and she saved over $3000.00 by the time the fall semester started. She was always a poor college student so any way within reason she could earn something to help with books and room and board and gas she would try.

Most of the staff at this club were either worthless guys with no ambition , potheads, or just dumb asses. Now with those choices who do you think my daughter would be attracted to? Yep, the dumb asses. The main dumb ass was the DJ. Six foot two, blond, hunky kind of guy, real charming, false smile...PLAYER written on his forehead. (My daughter tends to be blind at close range). They started dating and before you know it full blown summer romance!

Now don't get me wrong. He was likable. That was the charming thing about him. He even tried to charm me. Not an easy thing to do. Well, when it was time for my daughter to go back to school...1000 miles away I figured that would be the end of things between them. WRONG!

He stayed in touch and even flew up to Kentucky twice to see her before Christmas. Now during this time, I kept tabs on him. (I know people who know people). I even called him several times myself and from the impression I got, I knew he was seeing someone else. When my daughter flew home for Christmas they still continued to see each other. I had this real bad feeling from some things she told me and certain conversations I would overhear that all was not going well.

Then one day while at work I got a phone call. It was from a friend of my daughter's. (HA) She proceeded to tell me that SHITHEAD was screwing my daughter, her and someone else. She asked me if my daughter was with SHITHEAD at that moment and I said yes she is. We decided to go together and confront the problem. What a great idea!

At this time besides my professional day job I was also working part time at a pet store just to help with my daughter's college expenses. I always carried a box cutter in my purse. When we arrived at SHITHEAD's apartment one of the roommates (with a smile on his face) let us in and showed us the way to the bedroom. We opened the door and there was my daughter laying in the arms of the SHITHEAD. So I said as loud as I could, "Get your ass up and outta here. He is screwing you, the girl with me, and someone else." By this time the box cutter was in my hand, and I jumped on the bed, pushed my daughter aside and held the blade to SHITHEAD's balls.

She starting screaming, and couldn't believe the truth, he was begging and pleading and in all the drama the blade just happened to nick his balls enough to show red. He jumped up and ran screaming down the stairs and hid in a closet. I got my daughter dressed, and as we left I accidentally ran the box cutter down the length of his car.

Extreme yes, but so is HIV and every other sexually transmitted disease.

The next day I called The Department of Motor Vehicles and reported him for having no city sticker and driving without a license. The Department of Motor Vehicles reported him to the police and the police pulled him that evening when he left his apartment. They towed his car and it cost him $1,800.00 dollars in court cost and fines to get that straight. Then a few days after the car incident I called the restaurant where he worked part time as a waiter, and several days later at least 10 of my friends started calling and complaining about the tall blond waiter who was very sexually suggestive when he waited on them. He was fired. Never saw much of SHITHEAD after that. Of course my husband's threat of watch your back we know people who know people might of scared him off. He already figured I was insane.

A couple of years later I was at the airport picking up my daughter from a flight back into town and I saw him. I was sitting quietly sipping a cup of coffee and I looked up and there he was walking toward one of the gates. At that moment, he just happened to look across and see me...he ran.

Dad Test

I just got back from my daughter's house. Guess who was there? Yep...Dickweed Jr.

My husband and I had been out to eat dinner and before we left the restaurant I gave her a call and asked her if we could stop by for a little bit as I had a new bag of dog food for her pug...my only grandchild (the only one we will ever likely have). She told me he was there and so I giggled on the way over telling my husband, "You have to come in and meet this guy." I figured Dickweed Jr. would be a little nervous to meet the DAD. He already knows I don't particularly care for him. My daughter has told him what my nickname for him is. I don't think he was too happy to hear it. (HA) Of course he calls me Lornia Bobbit behind my back (I wonder if that has something to do with the fact I almost cut the balls off one of her ex-boyfriends about 8 years ago...another story for another post).

Did he pass the DAD test? HELL NO! Yea he is a nice enough guy, but we just do not trust him. Time will tell and hopefully he will not loose his balls in the process of dating my daughter.

I promise...next post...the BALL story.

Ch, Ch, Changes...

My daughter has decided to move back across the water. I actually think it is a good idea. Her drive into work is costing more than 400.00 dollars a month now with gas the way it is. She has always enjoyed big cities and so she is looking at Downtown Norfolk and the surrounding area. I grew up in Downtown Norfolk, but of course it is much different than it was when I was a kid. The revitalization of the area has been costly but the majority of blight is gone and in its place is new restaurants, shops, clubs, five star hotels, coffee houses, condos, townhouses and high rise apartments. It's kinda the yuppie place to be. It would fit her perfectly.

So what will she do with the house? Rent it out, after all Hampton Roads has several army bases, two naval bases and two Air force Bases. I would hope there is a nice service family out there looking for a friendly neighborhood with a good house. She can hang onto the house for several more years and make a profit once real estate starts selling again. In the meantime I have to get use to more changes. Until the house is rented out and she has found another place to live there will probably be quite a bit of upheaval in our lives. At my age I should be use to changes, but I have discovered that the older I get the more I hate them. With my daughter nothing ever stays the same. I am also beginning to realize that is another fact of life. I have seen her go through many transitions especially since college. It is hard for young people today to find a good job and make it on their own. She has done pretty good so far but it has been a struggle at times. Her father and I keep praying that while she is out there kissing all the frogs one of them will turn out to be a prince.

She is still dating the idiot and I have nicknamed him Dickweed Jr. The pyscho ex-girlfriend was after them all weekend. Why does she put up with this crap? I just don't get it!

Tick, Tick, Tick...boom!

I find myself in that state of unease again worrying about ... what else ... my daughter.

She bought her first house two years ago when the real estate market was booming. She saved money for a down payment and once she moved in she painted all the rooms and re-did the kitchen. She has spent quite a bit of time making the house her own with her unique personal touches. Now she knew when she bought it she would have to have a roommate. The first roommate was a girl from the mountains of VA. She accepted a teaching position here in Hampton Roads and stayed through the mid part of last summer. The roommate she has now is really great. It is actually a very good friend of hers. She has been offered a job in Charlotte, NC so she gave her 60 day's notice last week. Now here we go again looking for another roommate. If it was just the roommate situation I wouldn't have all this anxiety. You see, we live inland from most of Hampton Roads. The inner cities of VA Beach, Chesapeake and Norfolk are across the water, a distance of 30-45 miles. Not many people want to live in Suffolk and drive across the water to work anymore with the way gas prices are now. My daughter is seriously considering trying to find another job with a larger base pay, renting out the house and moving in closer to the coast. So I am telling her, "One thing at a time." Find a roommate first, start looking for another job and be realistic that in this economy it will take you some time to find a better job and then decide what to do about the house." She tells me that her gas bill for the month is almost like having another mortgage payment, so I can understand her dilemma; that and the fact that when she bought the house she was more settled then, than she is now. She was sill seeing DICKWEED and really thought she had a future with him. Now she is restless and just does not know what to do with herself, but she knows she needs a change.

I woke up this morning with that sick feeling in my stomach again.

Un-Typical Monday

I had a very nice birthday weekend. My husband and I enjoyed a romantic dinner for two at our favorite restaurant. We only go there once or twice a year and as always it was worth it. The next day my daughter took us to a movie and out to eat. It was nice that she could spare a few minutes of her time for her old parents. She met us at the theater and as always barely made it in time for the movies to start. My daughter is the type of person that if you say, "Be there at 4:00", you know she will be running late. I learned a long time ago to tell her to be somewhere 30-60 minutes early...I think she is catching on.

I was sitting here at my desk taking a break from working on reports all morning when I had a knock on my office door. It was the delivery guy from Edible Arrangements. The note card said, "A little something sweet to help continue wishing you a happy birthday, Love Kristen." That is my daughter too, she does the unexpected and has a very generous heart. What I appreciate about her the most is her generosity and her loyalty. No matter how much we bicker about the stupid men in her life I know that she loves me and will be there for me when I need her to be.

Happy 53

I drove into Norfolk today to visit my parents. Norfolk is only about 30 miles from where I live, just over the Elizabeth River on the other side of Hampton Roads...closer to the ocean front. I do not see them as often as I should but I try to wipe away those twinges of guilt when I start thinking about it. My father is 91 and my mom is 88. I have been very lucky to have them this long and everyday they are still here is a blessing.

I have a birthday tomorrow; my 53rd. It would be nice if I could live to see my 80's and have a sharp mind and a body that still functions well. It would also be nice to have a grandchild or two. Don't see that happening as long as my daughter keeps dating ASSholes.

The idiot she is hung up on now is another Player. Still the same guy from the last couple of weeks. The problem is that he believes he has her all wrapped up. Once a guy like that thinks he has the girl, he starts treating her differently. My daughter is not good at playing games. She has always been the type of person who puts her feelings out there, and in the past has "worn her heart on her sleeve...now she is trying another type of strategy, one that she is very unfamiliar with. The "Let me play hard to get and pretend I don't care for you as much as you think I do" tactic. I keep telling her, "Quit worrying about him and go out with someone else." Stupid remark to make because at this point she won't listen to any common sense...especially from me. I told her the other day I was considering putting her profile on E Harmony or Match. She was insulted of course and replied that she would never lower herself to online dating. "What the hell is the difference between meeting guys online and meeting them at clubs?" I asked. "They all seem to be ASSholes!!!"

Sorrow

I am feeling very melancholy this evening. I just received a long distance phone call from a friend telling me his mother just passed away.
Flashback to the early "60's" ...a single mother during an era that was still somewhat innocent. If you did not have a dad at home your mom was known as a fast or bad woman and you were considered a bastard. If you didn't fit that Ozzie & Harriet family description of a middle class family you were looked down on and judged by the general population, and God forbid if you were any other race than white because racial hatred was very much alive and well prior to The Civil Rights Movement. (Not that prejudice isn't alive today, but hopefully we have learned to have more love and acceptance for each other as human beings).
My friend's mom and my mom were best friends. They had met working on the same job. Although my mother was married and I had a father in the house, my mom was looked down on because she worked outside the home and she was actively fighting for civil rights. My family was not well liked in a community where most people were middle class Ozzie & Harriet's.
So the two moms, one single raising a young boy on her own and the other independent, unfashionable and opinionated, formed a bond that lasted for almost fifty years.
I told my friend, "My heart breaks for you. I know how much you meant to each other. It was always just the two of you." His reply, "No, we had you and your mom in some of the most difficult times in our life."
My mother is 88 years old and just as spry as ever. She takes care of my father who is 91 and my 57 year old mentally ill brother. She can talk politics and current events better than anyone I know, and she can tell you stories of the great depression that will have you wiping tears from your eyes.
I really hated to call her and tell her that her best friend had passed away.
She took it well...better than I did actually. I think because she has outlived all three of her siblings and seen many of her childhood friends and elderly neighbors pass on.
Even though I feel such sorrow for my friend at the lost of his mother, I also feel good knowing that his mom was the best mother she knew how to be and a wonderful friend. She was my friend's best friend too. She did not always approve of his lifestyle and was anxiety ridden during the early "70's" when he became involved in the drug culture, but stood by him and gave him all the support he needed when he went through rehab. She was unhappy with his choice of a bride several years later, but her heart broke for him when his marriage ended in divorce. They disagreed on some things, but she loved her only child more than anything in the world and he knew it.
I can only hope that when my last day on earth comes my daughter will have learned to appreciate me as much as Tommy, my friend appreciated and loved his mom. I know she did not want to leave him, but she left with a whisper of reassurance in her ear, "Its okay mom. I'm okay."

Just Answer the Dammed Phone

I call my daughter between 5:30 and 6:00 p.m. every day on her drive home from work just to say hello and ask her how her day has been. Sometimes when I get ready to call, my cell rings and it is her actually calling me. What I hate are those times I call and she is on the line. I hang up, call back 10 or 15 minutes later and she is still on the phone. She knows it's me, she doesn't switch over, just keeps yaking away knowing I am getting impatient. Maybe because she knows it's me and that is the reason she doesn't answer. This is probably true. Lately she hasn't wanted to talk to me much. She knows I don't care for the way she handled new date. I should also know by now that the more negative comments I make about a guy, especially if he is a real ASShole, the more she will defend him. I have never quite understood this phenomenon and I've taken pysch 101! When she was involved with DICKWEED I learned as time went by to just bite my tongue...It's a wonder I have a tongue left considering all the years she wasted with him. Did she hear me throughout any of those years? I believe she did, and now of course she knows I was right, as was all of her friends and anyone else who cared for her . Denial is a terrible thing, it makes you blind and defiant to the truth. In this case the truth being that her good nature is winning over her common sense...once again! At least she is not in love with this guy. She is not sitting around waiting for him, but she gave him the benefit of doubt...still wants to believe he is a decent guy, with a pyscho ex-girlfriend that just can't get involved right now. HA HA! She is going to stay friends with this guy? Why am I not surprised? Time will tell, and in the meantime I guess I will have to start biting my tongue again.

The Calm After the Storm

I live near the coast, about 35 miles from VA Beach. I grew up in Hampton Roads closer to the water than where I am today. I have experienced quite a few storms in my almost 53 years, several hurricanes, and I have actually survived three tornado's. I should be use to storms by now, you would think. That old cliche "the calm before the storm" really holds true. The sky's are usually very clear and light blue with white puffy clouds... the kind of clouds you spend your time looking up at and using your imagination to see really cool things in like, "oh look its a big white lion" or "that's the white mustang I've been dreaming about.". Now tornado's are not your usual storms. Unlike most of the hurricanes I have been through, with tornado's there is no warning. A tornado comes in quick, sucks up everything in its path and then spits it out on whats left of what it already obliterated.
In the summer of "72' my now husband and I were driving on Interstate 64 in Chesapeake,VA near what was then the small community of Great Bridge. It had been raining for a while, the road was already slick and visibility poor when the drops started coming down much harder. With no warning a blanket of black was thrown over the top of the car and we couldn't see two feet ahead of us. We were sucked up in a spinning void of darkness and hurled back out a mile down the road. We landed across a ravine. On each side of that ravine were large trees with looming branch's and huge roots. The car was slammed so hard upon impact and the force of the twister so powerful that the zipper on the long formal dress I was wearing was completely ripped apart and thrown into oblivion. The car (a brand new Javelin) was completely totaled. Not a scratch on either one of us. We waded through the deep wet ravine and walked away from the wreck that was once a car, into the clear light of day. The rain had stopped, the sky was blue and there were those beautiful white puffy clouds.
I stayed sick at my stomach for several days after that first tornado, and I've never taken storms for granted since.
I guess I am a pro at surviving storms. I learned to survive the stormy years of my childhood, adolescence, and teenage years, and now I am learning to survive a different kind of storm.
When my daughter was in college I worried about her, after all she was almost 1000 miles away. I talked to her everyday though and I understood that this was a time in her life to learn not only academics , but that the college experience as a whole would be invaluable. Yes, she did stupid things, most college kids do, but she had a great time and to this day tells me it was the best time of her life.
When she graduated and came home six years ago she met DICKWEED. For five years it was like getting beat to death by one of those coastal storms...worse than a hurricane, messier than a North Easter and just as cruel as a tornado. It's been pretty calm sailing for the last several months...up until now. It's hurricane season down here on the coast of VA. We have a lot of severe thunder storm warnings and tornado spin offs. Lets hope the worst passes us by this year.

How Selfish Am I?

This is why I worry? My daughter is a beautiful young woman, and beautiful young women are always taken advantage of.

Shooting Star is right when she said, "Sometimes us young ones have to learn for ourselves and make mistakes doing just that." Just how many mistakes do you have to make before you get it right?

I was married very young. I had just turned 18 and I knew a good thing when I saw it. He was six years older than me, a college graduate, and had hair on his chest! You must remember this was a time when we wore bell bottom jeans, and platform shoes. Check out the pic on the right.

Oftentimes my daughter will say to me, "You do not know what its like because you have been married to dad forever." True to a certain extent. I have observed and been involved with my friends and family members throughout the years as they have gone through bad dating experiences, crappy relationships, and nasty divorces. I have cried with them, cussed with them, and helped them think of the worse possible vengeance on earth. There were even times when I have spied for them and been the go-between.

In 2002 my best friend found out her husband of twenty-five years was living a double life. How messed up is that? I can not begin to tell you of the raw emotions I witnessed and also felt myself. I knew this man she was married to or... so like her I thought I did. I watched her whole life being destroyed and could do nothing to help her.

"I know what people are capable of". That is the answer I give to my daughter when she starts with the ...well you just don't understand BS.

I just want my daughter to be happy. When she is happy, I am happy. Is that so selfish?

By the way, the new date, got him figured out already. He wants to have a pyscho ex-girlfriend. The idea is she keeps him from dating anyone for too long (just what he wants) and that way he can be a secret player. Just what he wants.

Wise Up

My daughter keeps telling me..."Mom I'm not stupid." I keep saying back to her, "Duh....It took you five years to get rid of Dickweed, I hope you are no longer stupid!"

She is out tonight taking care of a situation. The situation being the new date from the other night that has the psycho ex-girlfriend. The psycho ex-girlfriend who sends my daughter text messages in the middle of the night telling her to stay away from new date. I am starting to believe there is no psycho ex-girlfriend, just a psycho still girlfriend. I'm thinking he is playing the psycho girlfriend and my daughter.

See the real liars and manipulators know how to play the game. Everyone just has a different game plan. Seems this one's strategy is to be the good friend and confidant and just when he knows the time is right he makes that move to "I feel more for you than just friendship".

My daughter and I had a nice chat last night over dinner. I do believe she has grown stronger from going through five years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a master. I also know her better than anyone on this earth, and she is not a cold hearted person. She always wants to believe in people and not think unkindly of them. When she realizes someone is not the person she thought they were it really devastates her. Unlike me who does not have as much faith in human nature and tend to be more cold hearted. I have wiped several people out of my life with a snap of my fingers and the statement, "You are dead to me." I tend to be a little unforgiving, especially when it comes to betrayal. That is the hard harded gene I inherited from my father. The older I get, I grow more like him. Not a good thing. When I was growing up my dad was not really a happy man. He drank too much and fought with my mom and I was always in the middle. As he grew older he drank more and became very bitter about life. It has only been within the last 10 years or so that he has mellowed out some, after all he has lived so far to be 91 what should he be bitter about now?

Train Wreck

I haven't had a decent nights sleep for the last month! I walk around with my heart in my throat and half the time I feel as if I need to just throw up. When I finally lay my head down at night on my soft pillow and have the good fortune of drowsing off, I am usually awaken by a phone call or text message (from my daughter) or I sleep the sleep of the dammed...you know the kind of sleep I am talking about...the kind where you are stuck in some kind of nightmarish dream state...I am either running from something or my teeth are falling out! This is my life.
Off and on for five years I watched my daughter's heart go through a shredder. That's what happens when you get involved with someone who is sociopath and control freak. Believe me there are many of them out there just waiting to play the manipulation game with someone. Evil liars all of them! I had a nickname for this one in particular...DICKWEED. You see, no matter what kind of weed killer you poured on him he kept coming back, and back and back. Dickweed kept sprouting up everywhere and he was similar to poison ivy. Touch him and the allergic reaction would be overwhelming! The more my daughter would get near him the more severe reaction she would have. Well he finally died a slow death, but it took too long and it left my daughter with a lot of scars.
So now she is back in the dating scene and really does not know how to act or react. I have been after her for so long to get out there and now that she has I have found I am not any lessed worrried for her now than I was for the last five years. What does she do...she meets somebody! She can't just meet a simple guy that would like to just have fun, oh no. After several dates with several different assholes, she starts dating a good friend. Complicated!!! She has baggage...trust issues, he has an ex-girlfriend who is a pyscho bitch. RED FLAGS!!!
So now it starts all over again. Why can't she just live a normal life? Is she destined to always have this kind of drama in her life?

Do We Live Vicariously Through our children

I sure hope not! It is too exhausting!
Although I am sure there are many parents that do live vicariously through their kids.
My childhood and teenage years were sensational enough, why go through that all over again. Especially in today’s culture!

When my daughter was growing up that comment was made to me several times. Of course the people who made the comment were parents who were raising their children in a much different way than I was raising my child. I was and have always been an involved parent. They on the other hand were the kind of parents who had children and either controlled every move and decision they made or their children stood as status symbols in their life more than anything else.

My daughter and I have a very strong bond. It has been hard at times walking that thin line and crossing over to best friend and then back to mother.

I did not really have much of a relationship with my mother until I was about seventeen years old. In a time when most moms were stay- at- home my mother worked eight hours a day. My grandmother (my mom’s mom) was the biggest influence in my life. She lived with us and raised my brother and me. As a matter of fact, I don’t have any memories of my mother until I was about eight years old. Oh, I know my mother loved me, but those first years I only remember grandma. She was the one who kissed the boo-boo’s rocked me to sleep, read to me, played with me, and spanked my butt. She is the only face I see when I look back on those early days of my childhood. She was always there.

That’s what I have tried to do. Always be there for my daughter. That bond was established when she lay on my stomach right after birth, before the cord was even cut.
Unlike my grandmother who was a saint, I can’t claim sainthood, but I have kissed the boo boo’s, rocked her to sleep, read to her, played with her and when needed ...spanked her butt!

The boo boo’s are bigger now, and may not show on the outside, but they still require a band aid of sorts. I have stayed with her when she is sick or stressed and can’t get to sleep and even though I don’t read to her anymore we can put on a movie and eat her favorite comfort food. I can no longer discipline her, but a mother’s advice is still given and sometimes ignored.

Do I live vicariously through my daughter? You tell me.

First Blog

Why did I decide to write a blog?
I thought it would be a good thing to write about my life and the exepience of being a mom.
See, what many young women who want children do not realize is that once that sweet beautiful baby is here in your arms, it does not stay that way. That sweet beautiful baby grows into a toddler, a preschooler, a kid, a teen and then an adult just like everyone else. That adult is still your child but the easy problems of childhood are not so easy to solve any more. The days of time-out, on restriction, or even a spank on the butt are long gone. You can no longer save them when they fall, all you can do is stand by and watch them as they get closer and closer to the cliff. You can try pulling them back and sometimes you are successful, but not always. The hardest part of being a mother for me is having to stand by and see the mistakes your adult child makes and be able to do nothing. Oh, advice is well and good, just not always heard.
I look back on those long ago days of my childhood and teen years and compare them to the way my daughter grew up. Times have really changed. There is no comparison. Just like the kids growing up today. Have you heard the saying, "Kids are born grown today?" Its true!

Anyway, here it is Sunday night and I am waiting for my daughter to answer a text message. She has been somewhere (I have no earthly idea where) with her newest date for the last 24 hours and I need to know when she is coming back into town. She has my car and I have her dog. It is time for a trade!

I will try one more time to get a hold of her and then I will strart stressing out as usual.